So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
