so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
zippers are such a cool invention
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
