I hate your face
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
