So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
