i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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