My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
