Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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