She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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