Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
