I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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