i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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