I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
