yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So many bounce houses so little time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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