Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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