my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
