Porn is love you can see.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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