If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
