Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
