I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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