She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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