Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
