im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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