does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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