maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
