You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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