she kept yelling 'call me bella'
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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