Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
