fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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