Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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