I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
