Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
