Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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