Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
