They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
