Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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