the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
