so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dick very happy bro
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
