some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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