The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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