So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
