you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....