I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!