My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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