"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You literally chaperoned my booty call.