My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
