I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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