Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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