I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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