He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
