Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
