i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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