I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
