I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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