It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
