I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm always down for nudity.
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