It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
