i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
