She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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