I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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