i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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