Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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