We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
