Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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