So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Two words: blizzard sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
