Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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