Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
