What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
