don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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