i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this must be what syphilis tastes like
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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