I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
