You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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