doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We left the knife in your bed.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
