oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
