i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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