fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
