who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
